


Wilds of My Heart

by MademoiselleParis



Category: Mewgulf, เกลียดนักมาเป็นที่รักกันซะดีๆ | TharnType: The Series (TV), เกลียดนักมาเป็นที่รักกันซะดีๆ | TharnType: The Series (TV) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Enemies to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:47:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26064469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MademoiselleParis/pseuds/MademoiselleParis
Summary: Mew Suppasit is a recognized singer and a talented new actor.Gulf Kanawut is part of the newly formed, award winning, boysband Boyfriends.What do they have in common? They're hardworking. They're talented. They're loved by the public and the professionals in the industry....And they hate each other.
Relationships: Mew Suppasit Jongcheveevat/Gulf Kanawut Traipipattanapong
Comments: 11
Kudos: 47





	1. Chapter 1

**April 2017**

“When I call your name, please step forward.” The severe-looking woman swiped a look impatiently around the room, judging all of the contestant with a harsh eyebrow.

This was it. After a gruelling week of audition, Gulf was going to know if he was chosen for that project. The details were scarce but Gulf understood that GMM, the company holding the audition, was forming a boyband, a line-up of 5 male idols who will become the new faces of the Thai entertainment industry.

“Kao Noppakao. Lay Talay. Gavin Duval. Great Sapol.”

Four names had already been called, there was only one spot left. Around him, he could feel the cutthroat tension, everyone holding their breaths and praying silently. Despite the overall silent agitation, a certain calm took place inside Gulf. He was going to be the last name. He had no idea where this absolute confidence came from, but it was unmoving. 

Looking at the current line-up just before his eyes, he could see himself part of this group. He had what it takes to shine alongside these other boys. He could prove it.

“Gulf Kanawut.”

His name. It was his name being called. A wave of pure happiness coursed through him, he did it. Forcing himself to calm down and not to show his triumph too much for all the poor guys who hadn’t been chosen, he got up and made a step forward, joining his new co-workers… and friends, he guessed.

The future already looked bright.

**May 2017**

Dance practice was harsh. The hours he spent in the dance studio every week were starting to be his personal hell. This discipline was definitely not his forte. It took time for him to get on with the rhythm and memorize the choreographies. From across the room, he could read the same desperation on Kao’s face. 

Both of them formed a quick bound after the band was formed, building on both their shyness and their struggles in the dance studio. They made a habit of staying later than the other guys to practice longer and not be a hindrance to the rest of the group. After some time, a quiet companionship had developed between them. The voice of his dance teacher brought him back in the present.

“Gulf, focus! You should be able to master these moves by now. Everyone, let’s start from the beginning. One, two—”

Gulf clenched his teeth and took position again. He hated this feeling of being a failure and slowing back the group.

“Hey Gulf”

Gulf looked ahead to see Great calling him. He sent him a questioning look.

“I’m gonna get in front of you, focus on my steps and try to follow.”

With an encouraging smile, Great turned back and took position. Gulf exhaled. Time to focus again. The music resumed.

**July 2017**

“Thank you for everything, Professor Bell.”

“Thanks to you Mew, you’ve been one of my more studious student, I’m impressed by all the progress you’ve made in such a short time. I wish you luck for your future auditions and for your new career that is beginning.”

Mew smiled gratefully at his teacher. After a few last goodbye words and a respectful bow, Mew finally left the practice room he had spent most of his time in for the past few months.

After his singing career gradually took off and 3 successful albums under his belt, Mew decided that he wanted to challenge himself in something new. That’s why, for the past 6 months he had enlisted in the very selective acting class with Professor Bell and gave his all to develop this new talent.

Acting was harder than he thought. It was not only a question of reciting a script. Actually, learning the lines were just the first step, the easiest one. What made a good actor was the ability to create a character from scratch with only a few narration pointers. It was succeeding in portraying an array of emotions and to understand from where these emotions were stemming. 

The whole process was even more challenging that he would have ever thought but now that his formation was over, he couldn’t wait for getting his very first role. And maybe why not propose the production team of his future drama to create a song for the OST?

**August 2017**

It was the end of the month. In just a week, Boyfriends, the name of the band, will have their big debut. Since the beginning of August, GMM had started teasing the big announcement. The members were introduced one by one on Instagram via some pictures and a small introduction video.

Today, they were filming for the last 3 members to be announced: Gulf, Talay and Gavin. 

The three of them were having a full-on beauty schedule. Dental clinic to whiten their teeth, hairdresser, manicure and some spa body treatment were on the program. Gulf was already familiar with Talay, the boy was an avid gamer and sometimes Gulf joined him during their free time. 

Gavin, on the other hand, it was the first time he had the chance to really spend some time with him outside of group activities. What he discovered was that the guy he previously thought of as intimidating with his tattoos and sculpted body was actually very funny and chill.

He spent the morning entertaining the other two boys, beatboxing silly sounds to make them laugh and cracking jokes left and right. He was also a giant gossip, able to talk about silly details about anyone from their production team. 

The morning went by quickly and as soon as they finished the different treatments, they were pulled into a secluded place with a neutral décor to shoot their introduction photos and videos.

Gulf, having prior experience in modelling was the first one to go under the camera. His pictures were taken quickly, Gulf immediately finding the good angles for posing. 

He was then directed toward the recording camera. The make-up artist did a few touch-ups on his face just before it started.

A wave of shyness came prickling at his bones. As much as he was used to have his face scrutinized by photographs, talking in front of a recording device was on a whole new level. Taking a deep breath, he willed his muscles to relax and forced a smile on his lips. And the recording could start.

**September 2017**

Another day, another audition, and yet, no positive answer. Mew was starting to despair, he wanted his acting career to take off already but so far no one was willing to let him a chance. A call earlier in the day with his acting teacher helped soothing some of his worries but the deception was lingering. This is why he had invited Boom and Singto, two of his best friends, tonight to change his mind. They had ordered sushi and planned a ROV night for later. Perfectly what Mew needed.

While waiting for the food, they switched the TV on which landed them on some music show, one Mew had attended a lot of times in the past. Not paying attention to the show, Mew was talking with Boom, when suddenly Singto cut their conversation.

“Hey Mew, they’re talking about that new boyband, Boyfriends. You’ve heard of them?”

“Boyfriends?” Mew racked his brain for a second, trying to remember where he heard that name before. “Oh, yeah, they’re GMM’s new production I think. A band of rookies from what I’ve heard.”

Singto hummed to signal he heard Mew’s answer.

Now curious, Mew turned his attention to the TV. A line up of 5 guys was right in front of him, all dressed in the same whitish style. They all seemed young and anxious. Mew could relate. It was never easy the first time in front of the camera, especially in one of the most viewed music show in the country.

The camera travelled up, closing on each boy one at a time. They all introduce themselves the same way, telling their names and their ages and finishing with a big smile for the camera. They had been well trained.

The camera moved to the next guy, the fourth on the line. Mew’s attention got focused immediately. The boy was… cute. Very cute. He had round innocent eyes and a pouty mouth Mew couldn’t look away from. His shy smile was somewhat blinding too.

“Hello everyone. My name is Gulf Kanawut and I’m 19 years old.”

He was soft-spoken, with a bit of a nasal voice which made him adorable. And he was young. So young. With his height and his facial features, Mew was expecting him to at least be already 22 or 23. 

Once all the members had finished introduced themselves, they all took place on stage, ready to surprise the audience with their songs. The MC explained that this was the first time anyone would hear it after a month of teasers. Their fans were going crazy with impatience.

Inside, Mew snorted a little. Fans? What fans? How could these boys already have a following when they literally just debuted and didn’t even release any song? Despite his disbelief, Mew could see in the audience present in the studio the number of supporters the boys had. The ranks were full of fans holding banners and posters, either for the whole band or for a specific member. 

The disbelief kept growing in Mew, alongside the anger. How come newcomers like them could already have such a strong audience when himself, when he started, had to pour his sweat and tears into his work until he got some kind of recognition and respect from the public.

The music started. So far, nothing surprising. It was a generic pop tune, something that would easily be played on the radio. The choreography was cute, and the members managed to be mostly in sync (Mew knew how hard it could be to manage a flawless performance, especially when you were 5 people on stage).

Instinctively, his eyes were following the cute boy from before. He wasn’t the best dancer of the bunch but he held himself up. Even if his movement lacked fluidity, at least he made no mistake and sticked to the rhythm.

It all went down when they started singing. All the members seemed to had a solo part in the song, a chance to showcase their voices. Mew was leaning on the edge of his couch, watching like a hawk the spectacle. So far, all the members had a passable voice. Nothing spectacular but they all did the job. 

Then, Gulf started singing. Mew winced. It was bad. Not only his voice lacked confidence and was trembling slightly, but he was unbelievably off-key. How was it possible?

Mew focused back on the audience, trying to decipher the same disbelief on their face as he was feeling. But nothing. Everyone was cheering the boy on, as if nobody could hear the attack he was putting on their ears. 

Mew felt the anger rising up in him. _What the hell?_ His own popularity was hard-won and he couldn’t believe a bunch of untalented good-looking boys could just come in and win everything while singing off-key.

Especially that boy. Gulf Kanawut. A pretty smile wasn’t enough to succeed, why did he look so proud of himself? After that mess of a performance, he should be crying in shame, not waving at the fans like he did something amazing.

His wrists were clutched on his knees in a desperate attempt to calm himself down.

For two months now, he had been auditioning non-stop, trying to get a role, and with no avail. And then, he saw this. A young boy, with no talent, and no work ethics most probably, was already moving the masses just because he happened to have a pretty face. It was unfair. So unfair. 

For the rest of the night, Boom and Singto tried to distract him, sensing that his mood had soured. It ended up working, and Mew put aside everything Gulf Kanawut related far far away from his mind. 

That boy didn’t deserve the attention he was getting and Mew was determined to ignore his existence.

**October 2017**

He did it! His first acting job. He finally got it! 

It was a supportive role for a BL series. Mew didn’t mind. What was important right now was that he was finally going to get that recognition as an actor he worked so hard for.

Also, his co-star was cute and sassy, a perfect combination to create complicity between them for future promo.

**Janvier 2018**

4 months after debut and the frenzy around Boyfriends hadn’t died down. Along with heavy promotion for their singles, their management worked hard to make each member known to the public. They all developed their *roles* in the unit. For example, Great was the sexy one. With his sculptured body and luscious dance moves, he became the sex symbol between them.

Thanks to his quirky personality, Gavin became the shining star of the variety shows in which they appeared. He was known to be the funny one.

Gulf was the cute one. His fans took a look at him and unanimously decided that he was a _Babie_ that needed to be protected at all costs. It actually worked pretty well for Gulf. Being an introvert, he wouldn’t know how to react to a legion of fans thirsting over him like they did over Great. Being in this position meant he didn’t have to flirt, and he realized he could be as clueless as he wanted and no one would hold it against him.

The most surprising thing that happened with the group was probably seeing a majority of their fans shipping them together. The first time Gulf came across fan-edits of him with his groupmates, he was weirded out. He had expected their fans to lust over them… not to lust over them being together.

Now however, they all got used to it. It made their fans happy and none of them had a problem being shipped with another groupmate. It was starting to become a game between them to guess which pair was the more popular at the moment.

So far, Gulf had never been included in the top ranking ships, these places mostly occupied by Great and surprisingly, Kao.

Today, they were all meeting for the final listen-through of the songs they recorded for their first album. Once this would be done, they’ll move on to the preparation for the music video and the promo circus would kick start soon after. And later on, it will be live shows. Real concerts with a full audience.

**April 2018**

The filming of the series was at its halfway mark and Mew was totally immersed in this new job. Every day he would practice his lines, often successfully convincing his younger co-star to practice alongside with him. These impromptu rehearsals were more and more turning into excuses to hang out together.

Mew liked having the younger at his home, ordering take outs and watching movies together. And then let him sleep over when the night grew inevitably too long for him to come back home.

Their relationship was explosive. They argued a lot but when they get along well it was like being on cloud nine. Mew thought he had never met someone like that in his life and he was living the moment to the fullest.

**September 2018**

The second album was ready to be released in a few weeks.

It has been one year since their debut and after all they went through, Gulf felt like they all became a closer unit, overcoming hardships together. 

For this second album, they all had the chance to participate a little more in the creative process if they were interested. Gulf didn’t care enough for the music to invest his energy in it but the step of creating a MV has been fascinating for him since day one. With more confidence after one year in the industry, he took his chance to spend time with the production team and then the editing team, watching them work, brainstorm ideas with them and learn all the process from the artistic concept to the final editing.

At first, the team was annoyed by his continuous presence. He was a kid, a kid with no experience at that. But Gulf was persistent. He was present for all the important moments and slowly, the team started to adopt him and teach him about all the steps of the creation. They also became a little bit more attentive of his ideas, not directly shooting them down like they did in the past.

Even if for this album, Gulf was still mostly a by-stander, he started created his own place in this specific creative process and became ready to be even more involved the next time around.

**October 2018**

Mew was livid. He couldn’t believe what was going on. How did it get to this point? The video was playing on loop on his computer and he kept watching it, hurting every time a little more.

The words were simple, unambiguous, and like a knife cut right into his heart. He knew their relationship has been tumultuous from the start, and now he obviously knew he harboured stronger feelings than his co-star. But this. This video. Exposing him for the whole world to see… It was unbearable. A public humiliation.

When he felt a single tear trail down his cheeks, he shut down his laptop with a loud clap. He’d had enough.

**October 2018**

Gulf was livid. This was the day of the release of their second album, the one they all worked so hard on, and all the media attention was occupied by a stupid video, of a stupid actor and his stupid kiss with his stupid co-star.

Gulf knew Mew Suppasit by name. Former singer. New revelation of the BL world. And apparently drama queen who never learnt how to keep his trysts with his co-stars a secret.

Gulf knew he was being harsh, especially since he didn’t know the whole story. But he despised drama that clearly existed to generate more attention to them. It wasn’t the first time that Mew Suppasit and his co-star were in the headlines for their now infamous fights. Couldn’t they have waited just another week so that the release of the album wouldn’t be polluted with their antics?

He was officially pissed off.

**December 2018**

After the debacle from last October, Mew had become very silent, almost recluse. He cut his contact with the production of the drama, cancelling the last of the promotion he had to do. Instead, he isolated himself, using the time to lick his wounds in private.

Music became his refuge. He used the time wisely, recreating a team of professional around him to help him enter back the music industry with new tunes.

The first step was the creation of his very own studio, a small team of professionals here to help him hone his skills. It included vocal and dance coaches, but also his very own stylist and make-up artist, a brand new no-nonsense manager as well as two helping hands that were doing everything from managing the MewSuppasitStudio online presence to helping set up the future venues of his events.

For two months, he worked with composers to create his new song. The result was better than what he ever dreamt of, and in just a few days, his brand new single « Be Mine » would be released to the public, marking his comeback.

**26 January 2019**

For the second consecutive year, Boyfriends won the title of the more promising band of the year. Gulf was overjoyed. The competition had been rude this year and yet, they came on top, again.

Filled with pride and excitation, he and his groupmates were now heading to the afterparty, an event with all the competitors from all categories, but without any camera or press present. These kind of events were both a time for unwinding with alcohol… and to make connections with important people in the industry. Gulf wasn’t blind to that fact. He knew that despite the relative intimacy of this party, it was better to be on his guard and not get too intoxicated. He never knew what kind of attention he could receive from the people around.

Mew was leaning against the bar, sipping slowly his drink while Singto was talking next to him. This Award show earlier in the day was nothing exceptional. Due to the recent release of his new single, he was not part of any award competition and instead came as a guest of the whole ceremony.

The boyband Boyfriends had won another title. Mew was still baffled that they continued to exist, especially since they didn’t get any more talented since their debuts. But he said nothing. He clapped his hands when they were rewarded. And he kept his thoughts to himself. Some things were better left in silence.

Gulf was talking with Lay when someone loudly called his name. It was Mild, a fellow entertainer he met earlier in the year during the recording of a show. Strangely, they striked a friendship quite easily and quickly. Nowadays they met each other every month to have dinner together and update each other on their respective lives.

« Bro, congratulations for the Award !! »

And without waiting a second, Mild took him into his arms, giving him a strong hug even though Gulf was taller than him and clearly stiff against his chest. But neither of them minded. Mild knew that Gulf didn’t know how to react with physical attention and he loved teasing him. That’s why whenever he had the chance, he would try to cuddle him, seeing how much and how fast he could make Gulf uncomfortable.

« Ok Mild that’s enough now. Release me, release me. » Gulf said, a smile in his voice.

Mild immediately let his arms fall down, apparently being done with the hugging session.

« I’m glad I could find you. Come with me, there’s someone I want you to meet! »

Perplexed, Gulf signalled to Lay that he was moving somewhere else, and he followed Mild.

Mew had just been abandoned by Singto a few seconds ago. He looked around himself, looking for someone he knew to go over and strike a conversation. His search was quick, a few seconds later he noticed his friend Mild, coming right his way. Mew was about to smile at him and wave happily when he realized who was following Mild. Gulf Kanawut. One of the Boyfriends. Ugh. Why would his friend bring the kid over? 

Gulf soon realized in what direction they were heading. His smile froze. Oh no. Mew Suppasit. How could he forget that Mild and him were friends? He had no desire to actually meet the attention seeking artist, and even less to play nice with him. But the actor had noticed them. He was looking right ahead in their direction, no chance to escape. Finally, they came face to face.

« Mew, let me introduce you to Gulf. Gulf, this is my old friend Mew. »

This was the first time that Gulf saw the older from this close. His pictures never made him justice. He was… gorgeous, even more than on paper, Gulf couldn’t lie. 

When he raised his head, ready to say his greetings, Gulf came face to face to Mew looking at him. Or more specifically, studying him, with a hard and cold stare. The anger and resentment flared back in Gulf. Why was this asshole looking at him like that?

Cute. The kid was even cuter than in all the photos he came across from various magazines. But despite that angelic face, he was just another wannabee star, without talent and probably expecting everything to fall to his feet without any effort. Mew had no patience for those types of people. When Gulf finally met his stare, a strong wave of emotion coursed through his body. 

With just one look, the younger singer was emitting distaste and aversion to him. Mew’s stare hardened. What was this newbie looking at like that? 

The tension between the two was palpable. Without any word being exchanged, anyone who paid attention could feel the stiffness between them. Their eyes were throwing daggers at each other and their postures were tense, as if getting ready for a fight.

In a sudden moment of clarity, Mild realized he may have made a mistake introducing the two.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!  
> Summary of the previous chapter: in the introduction, we were introduced to Mew and Gulf and their journey in the entertainment industry in the last 2 years. The chapter ended with their first meeting, on a fateful 26th of January 2019.
> 
> Enjoy this new chapter!

This was it. Gulf was in front of the older idol and was officially introduced to him. He knew he had to play nice, that his behavior could impact not only himself but the whole group. But the animosity between them was overwhelming. It was uncomfortable as if they were standing outside under the pouring rain with nothing to protect them. Actually, Gulf would prefer this to the current situation. He didn’t know what to say and the older singer didn’t seem determined to ease the tension.

Finally, finally, Mew decided to say something.

“Congratulations on your award.”

If he could, Gulf would have huffed at him. For an actor, Mew didn’t even try to mask the disdain of his tone, making Gulf feel judged and belittled. The compliment was clearly perfunctory, Mew didn’t seem to like him, or his band, for whatever reason. Well, good. Gulf didn’t like him either, didn’t like his showoffness, didn’t like his attitude, and especially didn’t like these yellow-tinted glasses that made the older look like an entitled asshole. Well, at least they were representative of his true character, Gulf mused.

Puffing his chest and anchoring his eyes in those of the older man, Gulf replied, “Thank you. We worked hard for it.”

Mew did his best not to snort at these words. Working hard. Sure. If only it did show while the boy was singing.

It was official, he couldn’t stand the younger. His first impression was right after all, Gulf Kanawut was just another arrogant pretty face that managed to fool the public. Too fucking bad, Mew was used to these kind of people.

Also, what was up with his confrontational stare? Why was he looking at him so hard, as if we was gearing up for a fight? Mew’s own stare hardened and his posture straightened. Without realizing, both of them had stepped closer, the animosity even more present. In the back of his mind, from this close, Mew noted that the younger singer was a little bit taller than him.

Mew had no idea what was going to happen. They didn’t exchange any more useless words but their eyes did the talking for them. Anger versus distaste. Arrogance versus boldness.

Suddenly, Gulf averted his eyes. Taking a small breath, he said in a measured tone, “if you’ll excuse me, I need to get back to my groupmates.” Turning his eyes to Mild, he warm smile took place on his face. “I’ll catch up with you later, P’Mild.”

And with that, he was gone. Immediately, Mew could feel his muscles relax. He took a step back and finally turned to Mild standing next to him. He was about to greet him properly when the other man cut him.

“Dude, what the hell was that? Do you know each other?”

Mew frowned, not understanding the upset tone of the voice of his friend.

“No? This is the first time we met today.”

Mild just stared at him harder, his eyes wide with surprise.

“I thought you both were about to fight, I swear!”

Mew was startled. He didn’t realize the tension were so visible to outsiders.

“It’s just… I don’t like him.”

It was Mild’s turn to feel taken aback.

“Eh? Why? The kid is a good guy. A little shy maybe, but when you know him he’s pretty funny and easy-going.”

Mew sighed. Of course, Mild, that sweetheart, would support the younger singer. He deflated a little, trying to find words to express his feelings.

“I don’t know. He’s—He has it so easy. I saw him singing. It’s not good. It’s very bad actually.” Mew took a breath, thinking a bit before adding, “I don’t understand how he can get so much recognition when he’s not even that good? And have you seen how he was acting earlier? All fierce and arrogant? He may be cute but that doesn’t prevent him from being polite, you know? The way he was looking at me…” Mew was now almost spitting his resentment. “He looks like a veritable asshole. No, you’re right, I don’t like him.”

Mild was looking at him, speechless. Mew was starting to feel bad, maybe he shouldn’t have said out loud everything he was thinking ?

“Mew… I really think you judged him a bit too harshly. Gulf is not like that, I promise. You should get to know him better, I’m sure you’d change your mind.”

Mild was giving him an encouraging smile.

Inside, Mew felt… betrayed. He had known Mild for almost three years now, and yet, his friend, maybe even one of his best friend, chose to take the side of the other guy. A ball of anger was building inside him. Once again, someone close to him decided not to trust him in the favor of a cute stranger. He would never be enough, wouldn’t he?

Swallowing as best as he could his resentment, Mew forced a smile on his face and started chatting about something else. There was no point talking further about that arrogant, enthralling, asshole.

The end of the night went very slowly for the two singers. Both of them still affected by their meeting were counting down the minutes before they could finally leave the private event, not in a mood for partying anymore.

When Mew finally came home that night, despite his tiredness, the sleep took a long time to come. All his thoughts revolved around Gulf, about their meeting earlier and all the contempt he felt for the guy. He was turning and turning in his bed, fuming, still disappointed in Mild’s reaction too. As much as he wanted to stop thinking about the event, his thoughts always led him back to Gulf.

When he finally fell asleep, it was with the image of cold, hard eyes and pink, luscious lips stuck in his memory.

*~*~*~*~*

Gulf was the first one to arrive in the practice room, a first for him. Usually, he was the guy who came the last, just in time before the beginning of whatever meeting they had that day. Him coming early, especially for dance practice, was out of character.

The radio was on, Gulf listened to it absentmindedly while changing into his practice clothes. The new Kpop hit was playing, they would probably practice on it in the upcoming weeks, Gulf mused. When the tune ended, the radio host came back on.

_Today we’re pleased to welcome Mew Suppasit in our studios. P’Mew, welcome!_

_Hello everyone, how are you today?_

Gulf was in the middle of putting his shirt on when he heard the now familiar voice. Instinctively, his movement stopped, his hoodie now half hanging above his head. Only two days had passed since their meeting and Gulf felt like he saw the singer everywhere now. On the streets on the billboards, in magazines, on TV at night when he turned it on, ready to relax and now even on the radio before his dance practice?

Realizing that he had stopped undressing and was now standing still in the middle of the room in a weird position, Gulf hurried to finish changing. Luckily, nobody saw him. The other members were already used to teasing him about his aloofness, they wouldn’t have missed the chance to make fun of him for freezing, half naked, in the room without any good reason.

His lips turned into a scowl while listening to the interview. Mew was here to promote his new single and for that occasion, a few lucky fans were called to talk with the idol.

Gulf hated how the voice of the singer had this warm and rich quality while talking to other people. Who was he trying to fool? This was all an act, just a play. He wasn’t this charming, attentive person he was now projecting. The real Mew was cold, belittling and talk to you in a condescending tone. Gulf had to give it to him though, he was a damn good actor to make his personality change that much while addressing strangers over the phone.

“Hey Gulf, what are you doing?”

Startled by the sudden noise, Gulf turned around. He had been so focused on what was going on on the radio that he hadn’t realized that he was staying still in the middle of the room, not doing anything for the last fifteen minutes. Internally, he blamed Mew for also making him forget about doing his stretching before the start of the practice.

Kao was standing before him, a curious look on his face. He was alone, the other members hadn’t arrived yet. Shaking his head to get back to the present, Gulf forced his face to relax to greet the older member. They exchanged their usual shakes, their fists meeting in a complex sequence of movements.

“Hey bro, I was getting ready for practice. Wanna join me?”

Kao changed quickly and by the time the other members finally arrived, they had time to go through the previous choreographies they had to learn lately.

The dance practice in itself was as harsh as ever. Still far from the best dancer of the group, Gulf had to focus extra hard to get the moves right. Today, it was a catastrophe. His head was somewhere else (on that radio interview, even if he refused to admit it) and he couldn’t achieve anything. The stern look the teacher gave him wasn’t enough to make him snap out of his weird mood.

When the practice came to an end, all the boys fell to the floor, sweaty and moaning from tiredness. Great, always the mother hen, was the only one still standing, collecting their respective bottles of water and distributing them to the other guys.

Gulf accepted his with a smile and a thankful nod to his Phi. With a laborious sigh, he sat up and went to the closest wall to rest his exhausted body. The end of the dance practices were always this brutal, taking them a while to gain their strength back.

As difficult as these practices were for all of them, they were also the first thing that brought them closer as a group. Kao and him were the one struggling the most and quickly, all the members stepped up to help them and make them get better. Instead of being annoyed or angry at them for needing more time to learn, they showered them with patience and support.

That was the start for cementing what their group dynamics would be later. They loved teasing and pranking each other but they also became extremely close and tight knitted. Their bound was more of a brotherly one, which Gulf was glad for.

“Guys, the results for the shipped couples are in!”

Of course, it was Gavin who had yelled in the room. Gulf laughed a little at his antics. Despite being in a secret relationship with a girl, now fiancé, for 6 years now, he was the most excited about this shipping thing. What started as a joke became an actual tradition. Every month, their official fanclub run a poll to determine the *it* couple of the month and they liked to compete to be the chosen one.

Gulf never made it higher than third place. At that time, him and Kao had a serie of duo works that made their fans interested in their possible couple but as soon as the works stopped, the interest as them in a pair also dwindled.

“In third place… GreatGavin! Shit babe, we were second last month!”

Everybody laughed at that. The almost genuine hurt in Gavin’s tone was too much to handle.

“Second place, KaoLay! Applause, applause. And finally, the first place is awarded to… Drumrolls please!”

Gavin marked a dramatic pause, savoring the moment. It was a bit useless to be honest, everybody already had a good idea of whom would come first.

“GreatLay! Congratulations to you two… once again!”

The mix of the natural sexiness of Great and the playfulness of Lay made them a very shippable couple. Thanks to that, they got many couple works and became the most popular members of Boyfriends.

While everyone was joking around led by Gavin strong voice, Gulf felt someone sit next to him. To his surprise, Lay had distanced himself from the other to come talk to him.

Gulf studied him for a bit. Lay was looking tense, his fingers rapidly playing on his knees, like he was uncomfortable. Gulf didn’t know what to say. Inside he was panicking a little. He was not good at giving advice, so he hoped that it wasn’t the reason Lay came to him looking so lost. He should probably say something, try to make his groupmate more at ease to open up but he had absolutely no idea how to start the conversation. So he stayed silent. And waited.

Finally, Lay raised up his head, meeting his eyes. His fingers had stopped moving. He took a steadying breath before asking.

“You’re close with Kao, right?”

Perplexed, Gulf answered, “Yes, why?”

Lay averted his eyes again, not replying immediately. Gulf stayed silent, letting the other guy take his time to gather his thoughts.

“I’m worried about him.” Lay voice was low, almost indiscernible. “Have you noticed anything different about him recently?”

Gulf studied Lay for a while, his thoughts going around.

Kao was hard to decipher. Mostly a quiet, stern presence, he also had a strong backbone and could turn goofy in some rare occasions. He was also someone extremely sweet when you came to know him.

Had he been different recently, Gulf pondered. Maybe he was smiling more? He also was somewhat less present to the additional practices Gulf and him used to take together. But it was small changes, that he attributed to a heavier schedule and Kao growing into himself and as their unofficial leader.

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen anything really suspicious.” Gulf paused for a second. That answer didn’t seem to appease Lay. “What’s worrying you?”

“He’s been spending a lot of time with Cooheart recently.”

_Oh_.

Lay’s answer was quick and implacable. So this was the real problem. Gulf sighed internally, he wasn’t sure he was equipped to handle that conversation.

Cooheart was a young star designer Kao had the chance to work with months ago. The guy had a spitfire personality which contrasted a lot with Kao’s placidity. Nobody would have thought that the two opposite would mesh well together, and yet. Their collaboration was a huge success, Cooheart’s design bringing Kao outside of his comfort zone while opening up a new image of him for the public.

More impressively, privately the two became fast friends. Even after the project ended, they kept in touch and found occasions to meet with each other regularly.

Gulf understood what Lay was implying, and he found himself in a tricky position to answer his groupmate. Deciding to trade lightly, Gulf finally answered.

“Yes, I figured they became friends. Why are you asking?”

Internally, he winced. This didn’t sound as effortless and unworrying as he wanted. Instead, he sounded almost guarded. And Lay noticed.

“Bro, you know this isn’t what I’m asking.”

Gulf blinked a few times, trying to find a way out of this whole mess. “So what are you asking?”

“I’m asking if there’s something more between them.”

Annnnnd, there it was. Of course Lay would wonder. Cooheart was openly gay and Kao had been spending a suspicious amount of time with him recently.

Privately, Gulf knew what was going on. Kao had opened up to him immediately when they started dating, asking for his opinion. And now, he had to relive the same kind of conversation, but with a different groupmate.

Dejectedly, Gulf finally answered in a small voice. “Would it matter?”

Lay almost jumped at the answer. It wasn’t a confirmation but it wasn’t a denial either.

“Bro, of course it would matter! Our fans love the shipping shit but do you think they would all react kindly to him dating? And, you know what, let’s not even talk about them. What about the company? The managers? I don’t know about you, but I’m not sure they’d react kindly to one of us being gay. Have you seen a lot of open LGBT talents here?” Lay voice was a harsh whisper, his tone accelerating with the worry growing. “And you know Cooheart. I like the guy but is he the kind to hide a relationship for long? Will he accept that Kao has to keep up with the single card? Won’t he spill the bean, not on purpose I mean?” Lay’s voice broke a little before adding. “I’m just fucking scared bro, I don’t want to see him hurt.”

Gulf sighed. All his concerns, Kao had them as well. And he still didn’t know how to appease them. Either of them.

Internally, he had trouble understanding why both of them were getting so worked up about all of this. Yes, it could turn out horrible, but how could they know before it happened? What was the point of worrying now for something that may never happen anyway?

Still not knowing what to answer, Gulf patted awkwardly Lay’s arm. Finally, he gave him the answer he told Kao weeks ago.

“Whatever happens, we’ll be by his side. We won’t let him down. Everything’s gonna be okay.”

The hopeful eyes Lay laid on him were too much. Gulf turned his head, focusing his attention to the other three boys still goofing around, unaware of the emotional spiral they were going through here.

Whatever happened, they will deal later. All in due time.

*~*~*~*~*

Mew was back in the studio. Today, he had a meeting with his producer to start working on his new release. This time around, he wanted to create something all by himself. The melody, the style of the tune and obviously the lyrics too. In the past, even though he always was heavily involved in the creating process, he never did anything all by himself. For the new song he was creating, he still would get help from professionals, but the final product would be wholly him.

It was a risky move, he knew that writing songs wasn’t as easy and straightforward as it seemed, but this time around he was determined to produce something more personal. It had been around three months now since the big scandal happened and only his hard work made possible for him to keep some of his fans. Today, his damaged reputation was only now slowly building back up, thanks to the most amazing and loyal fans he had. For this reason, he was determined to give himself 100% in this work to dedicate them this track.

By the end of the day, his producer and him had made some progress. They settled on a genre and the main chords had been found, creating the backbone of the tune. Now, Mew would have to work by himself to embellish this baseline. The next time they’ll meet, they would decide on the other instruments they will add to the guitar and how to mix them with the main melody.

There was still a lot of work to achieve but Mew was feeling reinvigorated from what was already accomplished. He had a clear plan for what was left to do and he felt confident that the final product would please the fans.

He was in the car leading him to his dance lesson, sipping on a green tea, and his manager, who he affectionately called Nong-Stu, was confirming with him the planning for the upcoming weeks. The endorsements were slowly coming back, as well as his appearances in TV shows and interviews, making it sometimes a challenge to balance everything. But he was thriving on hard-work and achieving a lot of things. He would rather live his day to the fullest, even if it meant tiring himself maybe a bit too much, instead of staying at home, waiting and mopping for opportunities.

“And tomorrow, you have an additional schedule. Hit Music needs a last minute replacement for their evening live. It’s a good opportunity, it’s airing during prime time, it would be good for exposure.”

Nong-Stu was deadly effective in her job. She managed to get herself connections in the industry impressively quick and she was always on the hunt for the best openings for him. Added to that exceptional organizational skills, she was the best ally he could have had for his big come back. She was as hard working as him, not afraid to charge up his work load in order to make him gain visibility. She was also the one who came with the idea of making him take again singing and dancing lessons, as well as English and Chinese, to make him as skillful as possible. Mew was more than glad to have her by his side and responsible of him.

And if she said that this TV show was a good opportunity, he had no reason to distrust her.

“Good for me. You can add it. Do you know at what time it’ll be over?”

Nong-Stu checked quickly the info on her phone before answering. “Probably around 10.30, 11 pm. I’ll see with your English teacher to start the lesson a little later on Saturday so that you can rest a little.”

“You’re so good to me.” Mew answered while laughing.

“Annnnd. We’re officially done! You’re booked everyday till the end of the month, Khun Suppasit Superstar.”

“Oi, don’t call me that!” Mew pouted a little.

This was an old joke between them. When he hired her, Mew told her that his dream was to be an internationally known singer and an award-receiving actor. She soon started making fun of him by calling him with the formal _Khun_ and giving him the nickname Superstar.

She knew Mew didn’t like it, it sounding too formal and too arrogant for who he was really. And since he pouted and acted like a child every time she called him that, she made a habit of doing it as often as possible.

“Anyway, any plan for the weekend once you’re done with me?”

“Actually, yes! My sister just got her first child, I’m going to see her and meet my niece. I’m super excited, it’s my first time being an aunt!”

“Aww, and what’s her name?”

While Nong-Stu was answering, Mew privately made a not to buy a gift for the young kid and the parents to congratulate them. He may not know them but he spent so much time with Nong-Stu that she became something akin family. He knew it would make her happy that he thought of this little attention, and Mew loved making the people closed to him happy.

*~*~*~*~*

The set for the recording of Hit Music was being prepared. During that time, Mew took the chance to talk to the MC who would lead the show. He learnt early on in his career how important it was to project a good image of himself not only to the public, but also to the different people in the industry. So even when tired or annoyed, he made a point to always be polite and salute all the people he worked with, in order to make a good impression and create a positive environment. So far, he managed to avoid drama and negative gossips on his attitude thanks to this specific work ethic.

The MC for today was explaining to him how the recording would happen. He would be introduced and sing one of his song. Then, the first segment would be the reveal of the ranking of the best-selling musicians of the month. After that, they’d move on to the second segment which were games, some of them played with the audience. Mew will finally sing a last song and then it would be the end of the show. Three ad breaks were planned, during which he would be able to have a break and change in between performances.

The program was quite simple, nothing Mew had never done so far. He was confident that everything would go smoothly.

As Mew predicted, the recording was going perfectly. He sang his song without problem, the audience was entertained and they had moved on to the first segment of the show. They had revealed most of the top selling artists, the first place was the only one left to be announced.

The screen behind him turned black and the jingle for the first place started. The image for the winner finally appeared.

_Oh no._

“And the winners for the top selling album, for the third consecutive month, are…. BOYFRIENDS!”

The crowd roared at the announcement and belatedly, Mew remembered he had to cheer and applause too. Third month as top selling artist, seriously? He was dumbfounded.

While the MC was rattling the different achievements of the group, Mew’s mind was blank. The astonishment was at its peak, blocking any coherent thoughts in his brain.

He should be thinking of a strategy, of something to say when he’ll inevitably be interviewed about them. But nothing came up. Nothing. Except a ray of anger with the image of Gulf Kanawut. An image that, he hated to admit, lived in the back of his mind all the time these days.

“So, Mew, Boyfriends’ success is phenomenal! They’re on their way to break records. What’s your favorite song from them?”

Distantly, Mew answered on auto-pilot. He heard himself give the title of their debut song, an easy choice. The MC, not realizing Mew’s state of mind, continued his list of questions. Little by little, Mew was coming back to himself. The topics were easy, safe. Praising the achievements, praising the fans, praising the visuals. He could allow himself to give neutral answers that wouldn’t play against him. He was slowly getting his footing back when the second blow happened.

“Now let’s talk about the members. As a solo artist, you’ve had the occasions to collaborate a few times with other singers.” The MC marked a pause, making the dread grow within him. “If you could choose which Boyfriends member to make a song with, who would it be?”

Fuck. Fuck. _Fuuuck_.

Except for Gulf, he wasn’t sure he remembered all the names right. The tall broody one was Kao and the sexy one was Great. These two, he was pretty sure not to be mistaken. Mild talked about one of them once, he made funny joke. What was his name again? Gavin! And the last one had a gaming show… Layyo. So his name must have been Lay.

Trying to win some time, Mew started to answer.

“Ow, this is hard!” He laughed a little, trying to convey easiness. “I think all of them bring something interesting to the table. Mmh… I’m impressed with Great and Lay vocals, so maybe them? On the other hand, collaborating with Gavin could be interesting with his talent in beatboxing. And Kao has visuals that contrast mine, so working with him could be very stimulating too. Hmmm…”

“So, any of them except Gulf?” Asked the MC, jokingly, noticing that Mew hadn’t mentioned the fifth member.

Mew heard the question from afar. He was still focused on how to answer the first one and didn’t realize the opening the host was giving him. So, without realizing, he answered.

“Yeah, no, not with Gulf.”

A heavy silence fell on the stage, before the MC laughed loudly, trying to turn Mew’s answer into a joke. The crowd seemed to eat it and quickly the awkwardness was dissipated.

Mew, on the other hand, was mortified. His answer was dead serious but never would he have allowed himself to say something as provocative as that. The distaste was clear in his voice, he just exposed himself, like a beginner. Trying to salvage the situation, he started again.

“No, I mean, me and Gulf are totally opposite in terms of music and style. I don’t think we could produce something that works well together.”

“Oooh Mew, is Gulf not good enough for you?”

The MC was obviously teasing and Mew was prompt to deny by shouting “Noooo” a few times while laughing, but he knew it was already too late. The damage was done, and he was already fearing the consequences.

The rest of the recording passed in a blur, Mew doing his best to still be entertaining even though he couldn’t forget his blunder earlier. When he finally could go backstage at the end of the live, Nong-Stu just pat him on the back and told him in a rush tone, “We’ll need to train you better.”

Mew felt like a failure. He sighed. He didn’t expect tonight to go like that and he was already nervous about tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can follow me on Twitter at @mademoiselle-paris   
> See you soon for the next chapter, *mouah*

**Author's Note:**

> So, this was the introduction of my brand new fic, Wilds of my Heart.
> 
> I'd like to address something about Mew’s part in this introduction. I think most of you understood the reference of the co-star and the video. I won’t name that character. He won’t be present in that fic, except from a passing mention here and there. He has his importance for later chapters, that’s why I decided to include him here, but my intention is not to bash him or talk about him at all. He’s simply a part of Mew’s backstory, an element of his past, and this will not go further than that in this fic.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this introduction and I would be happy to read your feedbacks! I have around 10 chapters planned, and the rating will change later on ;)
> 
> A big thank you to @mirror_ball who helped me for the editing and is basically my very own motivation for this fic.  
> You can follow me on Twitter here @mademoiselle-paris


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